


Dusk till Dawn

by have-a-little-laith (LWritesx)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Emotional Hurt, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Lance (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hurt, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Internalized Homophobia, Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance has panic attacks, Langst, M/M, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), One Shot, Pining Lance (Voltron), Self-Indulgent, Title from zayn and sia's song, homophobic father, love and comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 20:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12218460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LWritesx/pseuds/have-a-little-laith
Summary: In which the Red Paladin has issues and the Black Paladin (tries to) comfort him. Mostly Langst tho. Sorry, guys.**POST SEASON 3, PRE SEASON 4





	Dusk till Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> It's raining and I'm sick and bored so here we go.  
> Unbeta'd and unedited. Title taken from Zayn and Sia's song, dusk till dawn.
> 
> Trigger Warnings!!!!  
> Self harm  
> Abuse and panic attacks  
> Homophobia
> 
> Please proceed with caution, especially if these things trigger you easily.

_I'll Hold You When Things Go Wrong,_

_I'll Be With You From Dusk Till Dawn,_

_Baby, I'm Right Here._

 

**Keith, you're splitting up the team!**

Lance remembered yelling into the open comms link.

Keith, don't do this!

Lance remembered Keith growling, and Black growling too when they pulled back to save Allura. The mission was over now, he sat in Red in the lion's hangar. Red purred softly inside his mind, trying to comfort him. He tried taking deep breaths, his heart was racing, so was his mind as he sat by himself in his lion, knowing what the truth was, but  too afraid to admit it. 

"Lance," Hunk's voice echoed into his helmet, "Where are you?"

"Huh?" He said. 

Not for the first time, Lance thanked whatever good grace that sent him Hunk. Even if he didn't know it, Hunk always pulled him back from the edge at the right time.

Given all of Lance's issues, he was actually surprised that he hadn't tried anything yet.

But then, Hunk was always searching him for marks, and he wasn't able to get his hands on anything sharp in a while.

Red whimpered inside his mind, sensing his pattern of thought. 

His fingers started to inch toward his wrists, to itch at the skin there till it was sore and bleeding, when Hunk's voice broke through again.

"We're debriefing now, so we need you here, man," Hunk said. 

"I'm on my way up," Lance replied with forced cheerfulness. 

He exited the lion and made his way to the bridge, where the team had gathered. Keith's head was hanging low when he'd arrived. 

"I'm so sorry, guys. I'm sorry that I pushed you all so hard," Keith said, fingering the the straps on his fingerless gloves, "I-I could never forgive myself if something happened to any of you."

Allura placed her palm on his shoulder and he looked up at her. 

"We understand," was all she said, and everything was forgiven. 

"Lance," Pidge said, softly, "Is everything alright?"

Hunk looked at her, then at Lance. 

Everyone else missed the exchange.

"I'm fine," he said to his friends, quietly, "I'm fine. I'll be on the training deck if you need me."

"Alright," Pidge said, looking at him, then swapping glances with Hunk. 

Lance nodded, and turned and exited room after the debriefing. 

Instead of turning the corner to enter the training room, he turned the opposite way and went to his room. 

He kept replaying the scene over and over in his head. 

His _papa_ had been the same, but different. 

_Por favor, Marianna, one more drink._

_Come to bed, amor, the children are asleep. You've had enough. Don't do this to your family._

_Enough? I don't have a job. Our savings are almost finished. My children are a disgrace to the family! My eldest son is dead because he was involved in a gang shootout. My eldest daughters, whores who put marriage above education! My youngest son likes boys!_

_Raphael, don't let the alcohol talk! All of our children are blessings! And you have no right to judge any of them, you certainly aren't perfect! Please, please stop drinking and come to bed._

_Lance jumped back and ran to his room when he heard the whiskey bottle shatter. He knew first hand how his father acted when he was angry._

_Raphael, por favor, don't do this!_

_Lance blinked tears back from his eyes. He should have protected his mother. He was seventeen years old, and he was still afraid of his father. Afraid of his fists. What kind of disappointment of a son was he? He_   _should have stayed at the Garrison with Hunk._

_Was this the way his father truly felt? The smiles and proud looks that came his way when he'd told his family he'd been promoted to Fighter Class, was all that fake? Was this how his father truly talked about him behind his back?_

_Of course, Lance knew it was wrong. Of course, Lance was disgusted with himself. Growing up in a devout Catholic home where his family lived by the Bible was extremely hard for him. Every time he said a prayer, his cheeks would burn in shame, his heart would be as heavy as lead._

_But wasn't love supposed to be love? Wasn't it not supposed to matter who you fell in love with? His mother had told him as much the night he came out to her._

_Lance mijo, what a burden you've had to bear. I would never hate you because of this. You are my world, baby._

And God only knew the rage he felt when he saw the purple marks on his mother the next morning. His brothers hadn't taken it lightly that their father put his hands on their mother, and they'd put him in his place. 

His second, now eldest brother almost went to prison because of it.

Then his mother left his father and moved the McClain extended family to Florida. 

Out of his three older sisters, the eldest sister worked her way up until she became the permanent secretary of one of the biggest business moguls in Florida, and his second eldest sister became a paralegal, working for a prominent lawyer. His brothers and brothers-in-law started up their own construction firm.  

They all pitched in and paid for his elder sister to go to school to study accounting. 

Lance worked part time on a nearby farm to earn some extra money for himself while attending the Garrison. He didn't mind, he loved animals, and attending one of the most elite astro-exploration and piloting schools in the world wasn't cheap. He knew that by having his own job, it eased his siblings up a bit, since they paid for the youngest McClain sister and brother's basic school expenses and Lance knew that now some of them had families of their own to take care of, and he never wanted to be a burden.

But, things went even more downhill from there.

Lance ended up in the principal's office more often because he snuck out to meet girls, to try to correct the one thing his father thought was wrong and unforgivable of him; the one thing he could never stop thinking about, that wouldn't stop bothering him and eating at him. But he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried. Hunk went along with it, cheering up Lance when he thought he needed it. 

Lance stopped caring. 

He started looking at how the other boys his age acted around girls and started acting like them. 

He neglected his school work and he became careless in the simulator, failing his flights, even though he had worked his butt off to be promoted to Fighter class. 

He started being loud, attracting attention in whatever he did to distract himself from his problems and to prevent people from seeing them, and flirted with girls just for the fun of it, much to the disgust of Pidge.

No wonder the Mullet didn't remember him.

A year ago, he was a smart, quiet, good kid. He barely recognized himself anymore. 

He wore a mask and slowly that mask took over until there was nothing of the real Lance McClain left. Till he was nothing more than some cheap copy, created by his peers.

A mask that was slowly breaking as he sat in his room all alone, gasping for breath, tears rolling down his face. 

Because the horrible truth was, as he realized over the time he spent in space, over all the time they were together, that he'd slowly fallen in love with the Mullet. 

He was terrified to face that truth. He was disgusted with himself, so he always dodged facing that revelation. 

It was all he knew how to do; he was an expert at running from his problems. 

And today, Keith terrified him. He'd never seen that side of Keith before. Keith had scared him so badly that it caused Lance's mind to trigger memories of his father. 

His body convulsed. He wrapped himself in a fetal position. 

He coughed, the bile in his throat rising. He forced himself to try to calm down. 

He gasped, forcing down the memories. 

He ran his hands through his hair, tugging their roots. He needed to feel something, something other than the overwhelming urge to just give up. 

"Lance!" It was Hunk, pounding on the door, calling his name. 

A loud gasp left him, followed by a heavy sob and he instinctively threw his hand over his mouth to muffle it. 

"Lance, open this door or so help me, Coran will pry it open!" Pidge yelled. 

Lance made no attempt to move. He couldn't. His body was out of his control; the last time he had a panic attack this bad was that time he and Hunk snuck out to go to a bar and a guy started hitting on him and he didn't know what to do; everything his father said about him came rushing back. When they'd gotten back to their dorms, Hunk spent hours comforting Lance, even missing classes of his own by doing so. 

The doors in his room flung open. 

"Oh no, Lance," Hunk said, him and Pidge rushing to his side. 

He could vaguely hear muffled sounds coming from the Alteans in the room. Keith looked at Lance in shock, before racing to his side, wincing as he debated whether he should touch Lance or not.

Hunk's voice became blurred in with Allura's and Coran's. He could see Hunk's eyes widening, and his lips moving, but no sound was produced.

Pidge's lips were moving too as she gently took his hand and placed it on her tiny chest, taking deep even breaths. Lance instinctively found himself trying to match Pidge's breathing pattern, trying to get his body in tune with her slow inhales and exhales. Her words became clearer, sharper.

"C'mon, Lance, breathe," she was saying.

Lance couldn't catch his breath. His vision blurred slowly, and he tipped backward, eyes rolling into his head. 

"Lance!" It was Coran who rushed forward and caught him.

"Oh, no, my boy," Coran said gently, looking at the Red Paladin, "Come on, you guys, let's get him to a pod."

Hunk took his unconscious friend from Coran, who went ahead to get the cryo-pod ready.

Pidge ran her small hands through Lance's hair, whispering quietly to Allura. 

When they entered the med bay, and Lance was safely in a pod, Keith asked, "What happened?"

Pidge and Hunk exchanged nervous glances.

They felt like they owed it to Lance for him to be the one to tell the rest of the team his story.

"He just kept it bottled up too long," Hunk shrugged, "I guess."

"No," Keith said, "I don't believe you. Guys, this is serious, if it causes Lance to get like this. We're a team, we can't keep secrets from each other. So _please_ , just tell me what's going on. For his sake."

Pidge and Hunk exchanged looks once more.

"Lance should be the one to tell you this," Hunk began, after a while, "But when he was a kid, his dad... his dad used to hit him. He never told me, of course, but after his first panic attack, which was just like this, I may or may not have stolen his medical file from the Garrison's Hospital because I didn't know if he was on meds or what. Apparently, his dad hit him and his mom never knew, and you could see the signs, but I never brought it up. We've been friends for a pretty long time, so I realized these things about him pretty early. He never liked to be touched, he was always lingering in the back. He was pretty quiet and never really talked much. And then he went home to Cuba for the summer and when he came back, he just wasn't the same. His entire family moved across to Florida, and he started to sneak out to go to clubs and stuff. He really was never the same after that trip."

Allura's eyes burned with rage.

"What kind of person would hit a child?" She demanded, "Especially one as innocent as Lance?"

Hunk said nothing, but smiled sadly. That's when Keith knew. That's when he put two and two together. 

"It's me, isn't it?" he said to Hunk quietly, "I'm the reason Lance is ill in here, aren't I?"

Before Hunk could answer, Keith turned and stormed out the room, ignoring Allura who was calling his name. 

Lance felt well rested for the first time in weeks. He was lying on a soft bed, with no idea of how he got there, but not caring how he did, anyway. 

At least, until he felt something soft brushing his cheek, and a voice whispering, "Why won't you wake up? It feels like forever."

"I dunno, maybe we should put him back into a pod, it's been three days."

"The castle's too quiet."

Okay, so he needed to get up. 

He forced his eyelids apart.

"He's waking up," the low, soothing voice said again, this time, sounding a bit livelier. 

When his lids fully opened, he found himself staring straight up into mesmerizng violet-gray eyes. His brows furrowed in confusion. 

Then, smaller amber eyes popped into his vision. 

"Take it easy, Lance," Pidge said, helping him sit up on his own bed, he realized.

Coran filled a drinking glass up with clear liquid and Lance croaked out, "I'm fine."

"You don't get to make that decision," Hunk retorted.

"He's right," Pidge's voice was gentle and a sharp contrast against Hunk's, but her strength was unwavering as she steadily pushed the glass in Lance's hand.

Lance stared down at the cup.

"I'm sorry guys," he said, quietly, fast as possible. He didn't want to repeat himself.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Lance," Allura said, sitting on the bed next to Lance, squeezing his hand softly, as a sister would do a brother, "Hunk told us."

"What?" Lance's blue eyes widened and he pulled his blankets up on his chest as if to protect himself. 

"Nothing specific, though," Hunk reassured Lance, letting him know that his secret was safe. 

Lance's head dropped. He had the overwhelming urge to cry. Here were his friends, his family, doing everything they could to keep him safe and comforted despite the fact that he didn't deserve it. 

"I think I'd like to take another nap," Lance admitted, "I felt better when I woke up. More refreshed."

"Then that's what you'll do," Coran fluffed Lance's pillows behind him, "Number Four, you stay with him. The rest of you, Out! Out! Out!"

Everyone shuffled out, Hunk biting his lips to hide a smile and leaving Lance shrieking inside his head. 

It was like dangling a bone in front a hungry dog. 

Lance pulled the blanket over his shoulder and turned lay on his left side, as Keith was on the right. He closed his eyes, hoping sleep would take him soon enough. 

His eyes widened in surprise when he heard something fall on the chair that had been left for Keith, and when he felt a warm presence next to him. 

"Lance," Keith said, softly, "I know you're not asleep... And I-I think we need to talk."

"About what?" Lance said in a fake, sleepy voice. 

"Lance, please look at me," Keith whispered. 

Lance's eyes widened at the tone of his voice. He never heard Keith sound like that before. Gentle, hopeful and... Something else. Something Lance recognized in his own voice. Desperation. 

So he turned around. Keith's face was mere _centimeters_ from his. 

Lance's heart swelled when he saw those violet-grey eyes up close, so open and honest. Keith's guard was completely down for the first time since Lance first met him, he realized. 

Up close, he could see every detail about Keith. The sharp arch of his eyebrows, the soft, black hair that just brushed between his eyes, the inky, long lashes that hid those  unique eyes.

A patch of freckles across his nose, under his eyes. His bow-like lips that he was worrying with his teeth. 

Yeah, Keith was prettier than he thought, and Lance was in deep. 

"You wanted to talk," Lance said, "So talk."

"It happened because of what happened with Lotor on Thayserix, didn't it?" Keith asked. 

The way Lance saw it, he had two options. He could lie, or actually talk to Keith, tell him the truth. 

"Yeah," Lance admitted, softly. 

"Do you...want to, maybe, talk about it?" Keith said, looking at Lance. 

Lance looked at him. 

"I'm trying," Keith said, his eyes wide and pleading. 

"When I told you to pull back," Lance said, blankly, "You didn't listen. You reminded me of my dad.. he was just so angry all the time.. and I dunno, I guess that it just triggered memories of everything that happened before we found Blue."

"I'm sorry," Keith said. 

"What for?" Lance said in that same blank tone that scared him, "You're not the one who messed me up like this."

"My father left when I was fourteen," Keith said, taking a breath, "Said he was going to the grocery and never came back. The only time I ever saw him after that was when I'd gotten into the Garrison. I brought Shiro home so that we could have a celebratory dinner since he'd helped me study for the flight admittance exam and I won the scholarship. I would have lost it at him, but Shiro had taught me better. So I invited him in. Thought maybe he had good reason for going AWOL for almost two years. And the first thing he said was that he loved what I'd done with the place, and if I had a girlfriend, because he saw the table set for dinner. Then I told him I wasn't interested in being polite or heterosexual, get out of my house. I've never seen him after that."

"Now you know two things about me that I've never told anyone," Keith said, playing with his gloved fingers, "So you can trust me. Talk to me."

"I do," For the first time in his life, Lance told the truth, "I trust you."

_I would trust you with my life if you asked me to._

"My dad," Lance said, "He hit me because of the way I used to act around the other boys when I was younger. He'd hit me and tell me real men don't act like that. And it's always been so hard for me... to accept the way I am, to accept the way I feel."

"You shouldn't be forced to feel a certain way, Lance," Keith frowned.

"I know. I just hate remembering him," Lance muttered.

"I'd never hurt you like that, you know that, right?" Keith looked at him, asking softly, "I'll be here for you when things go wrong."

"I," Lance said, lowering his eyes, his heartbeat speeding up, "I wasn't being completely honest with you when you asked me if it was the incident on Thayserix. That was only part of it. It was mostly because I'd finally grew the balls to face something I've been running from.. and that's the fact that I've completely fallen for you. I dunno when it happened, or how it happened, but it just happened. And then there was that. You terrified me, Keith."

Lance didn't know when he started cry, but he felt Keith's fingers gently wipe the tears from his cheek, his own violet eyes watery.

"I'm so, so, sorry, Lance" Keith said, looking into his eyes, "For as long as I can remember, I've been doing whatever I want because I've always been alone. And today, I didn't think about how it would affect the team. It was your voice... today I realized something too," Keith smiled shyly, the innocence shining in his eyes, "You're my stability. And I don't ever want to loose you."

A small smile curved on Lance's lips as Keith ran his fingers through Lance's hair and Lance pressed himself against Keith's warm body.

In the dark, two broken boys held onto each other, whispering comforting words to each other. And they stayed like that until the exhaustion of the past few days caught up to them and sleep dragged them under, their hearts light for what was the first time in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, after re-reading this fic, I realize that I hate it. It's not my best work.. and knowing this fandom, I'm actually terrified to post this, but the draft would have deleted, so I thought why not.
> 
> Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed it.. yeah. 
> 
> Feel free to leave me some feedback. Idk man, writing this was emotionally exhausting.


End file.
